Sexy Nerd: Hey! You know what I noticed the other night? You have sleep apnea.
Sexy Nerd: You just stopped breathing the other night. You weren't breathing for, like, a minute. Then, you were gasping for breath. Then, you woke up. That must have been the cause of your insomnia problem all along. Sleep apnea!
Me: So, you think I've always stopped breathing for dangerous amounts of time, every night that you've known me?
Sexy Nerd: Yeah!
Me: And...you never noticed...in more than eleven years?
Sexy Nerd: ...
Me: And how long were you going to wait to see if I started breathing again? A minute seems like kind of a long time, don't you think?
Sexy Nerd: ...I...didn't want to risk waking you...because I love you...
So, apparently this is what my (most likely shortened) future holds:
CPAP machine - no way, jose