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There's Nothing Cute About Pure Evil

There's a screech owl who has been flying all around my neighborhood. Our weekly newsletter pointed out this "cute visitor" at the beginning of December. Here he is, perched on a neighbor's front door.

It's called a SCREECH owl, not a fluffy owl or a cutesy owl or a buddy owl. Think of a kitten. Now, think of a SCREECH kitten. Scary, right? Perched nonchalantly, he's plotting his next evil deed in that evil feathered head of his. It's what they do.

This is exactly why all houses need multiple ways in and out. You say you love owls, but you wouldn't dare open this door with him sitting on it. Insist all you want that it's just so you don't disturb him. We both know it's because owls are scary little f*ckers.

The next weekend, the screech owl was photographed at a neighbor's wood pile. Supposedly, it's the same "cute visitor" as before, but this one looks bigger to me. And scarier. And, though I wouldn't have thought it possible, much more evil.

He is the destroyer of souls. Step closer and he will eat your future happiness.

Clearly, the folks writing our neighborhood newsletter have never seen The Secret of NIMH.

Or Milo and Otis.

Or Homeward Bound. 

Or any other movie or TV show with an owl, because you know once the ominous owl appears, something spooky can't be far behind.