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Sexy Nerd's Not-So-Sexy Birthday Fail

Do people still use the term "fail" in 2017, like That was such an epic fail or is my use of the word a fail of its own? Hmmm.

As told through drunken chipmunks last week, old man Sexy Nerd recently celebrated his 35th birthday. I baked his favorite cake, Red Velvet, and topped it with cream cheese frosting. Except, I didn't actually have any boxes of Red Velvet cake mix, so I used Strawberry instead and doctored it with chocolate powder and red food coloring. No one was fooled. That's not the fail though. That blood-red strawberry cake tasted amazing, like love and angel sneezes.

The fail lies in my decorating. It started out well, with a nice layer of white frosting followed by a surprisingly legible SN written in sprinkles. I was done. I nearly took a photo and called it a day. Then, I found a tube of decorating gel and decided to outdo myself.

I don't need to take a photo first, I thought. This gel is made for intricate cake details. It's not like it's going to bleed all over and ruin my perfect cake.

See the Sexy Nerd glasses at the top? What's that? You couldn't tell what that was because everything about it is such a nightmare? You thought it might be a bra or some sort of industrial waste accident, with sludge oozing out of a sewer pipe? Fair enough.

See that green sprinkle? My design is crying. 

Darn you, Betty Crocker. Darn you.

Just a few notes, because some of you folks on the internet are super judgey (not you, fabulous blog reader - other folks):

1. The Betty Crocker decorating gel was not very old and had not been opened previously.
2. My cake was completely cool before I decorated it.
3. I squished the contents back and forth in the tube a little before starting, just in case it had separated.

Oh my god. I just remembered something while making the above list. I've used this same decorating gel before, years ago, and it f*d me over then too! Remember my Snowman Cookie Fail?

STOP BUYING THIS GEL, KITTY!

That is all.