Kitty Deschanel

Sexy Nerd and I recently had a disagreement about a smudge on one of our new windows. I said it was the result of an unfortunate bird. He said I was out of my mind. I think you know where I'm going with this. The smudge was just a smudge, caused by an indistinguishable source...until I snapped a photo of it at just the right angle. Do you see it?  Poor Tweety. We never did find a bird, so either it was okay and flew off or, more likely considering how hard it must have walloped our window to leave that smudge, another animal came by and took advantage of the easy meal. Coyotes and bobcats are common in our new neighborhood. At a certain point, I expect they'll start hanging out in our yard, waiting for our picture windows to serve up more tasty snacks. Yesterday, while chatting with Sexy Nerd in our new kitchen, a flash of yellow smacked another window. He didn't notice and I thought it had been a large butterfly. I went outside to investigate and found th

Do people still use the term "fail" in 2017, like That was such an epic fail  or is my use of the word a fail of its own? Hmmm. As told through  drunken chipmunks  last week, old man Sexy Nerd recently celebrated his 35th birthday. I baked his favorite cake, Red Velvet, and topped it with cream cheese frosting. Except, I didn't actually have any boxes of Red Velvet cake mix, so I used Strawberry instead and doctored it with chocolate powder and red food coloring. No one was fooled. That's not the fail though. That blood-red strawberry cake tasted amazing, like love and angel sneezes. The fail lies in my decorating. It started out well, with a nice layer of white frosting followed by a surprisingly legible SN written in sprinkles. I was done. I nearly took a photo and called it a day. Then, I found a tube of decorating gel and decided to outdo myself. I don't need to take a photo first , I thought. This gel is made for intricate cake details. It's not lik

I had the best weekend. Usually, I embrace my lazy and antisocial ways, hunkering down in front of my computer until it's time for work on Monday. Frankly, I was annoyed this wasn't the way my weekend was shaping up to be. But, oh, the fun I had! We went to a cool new brew pub (twice!) and I went to yoga (yay me!) and we participated in a fundraiser called Bowling for Rhinos (and I kicked butt!) and we got to show off our soon-to-be new house (nearly done!) to my in-laws and we went out for BBQ (yum!) and we even went to a fancy wine tasting, where I confirmed once and for all that I am the lightest lightweight in the history of lightweights. Seriously. The 6 tastings of wine were itty bitty pours that added up to maybe 1 full glass and the room, which was bathed in a glorious, hysterical glow, would not stop spinning. I had such a fab weekend that I've decided to shun Everyday Kitty Deschanel and put Fun, New-And-Improved Kitty Deschanel (now with glitter!) front and

My grandma lives in Australia, so I rarely saw her growing up. When we did interact, it was always a bit jarring because I'd turned her into a stereotype in my mind. Grandmas are sweet, little old ladies who bake cookies and are always nice to you no matter what, right? For a while, I thought my grandma was mean. Just look at these comments she has posted on my Facebook page: Me:  Construction has been going on for MORE THAN A YEAR. I emailed our builder this morning with a few holiday-related questions, such as if they'll be working on our house at all next week. He blew off all my questions and ignored me, but did have his wife reply to request we pay our latest construction loan installment early to avoid any holiday-related delays. Nana:  Ratbag. What kind of little old lady calls someone a ratbag? She's one tough grandma! The love is there though. Here I am, causing my poor grandma all kinds of worry: Me:  In an effort to avoid the single supplement and still t

Sarah, Jessica, and I have been BFFs for as long as I can remember. We met in elementary school and our friendship somehow survived my move from San Jose to Albuquerque at the end of 7th grade. In our cookie cutter neighborhood, we lived in the same single-story floor plan. At the ripe old age of 12, we asserted our independence by strolling the local mall and watching Liar, Liar  unchaperoned. Still, living so far from each other and without any of our original interests to pull us together, like Sega games, bike riding, and Sailor Moon (who am I kidding? At 33, I still love Sailor Moon), you'd think we might drift apart. Nonsense. We're the 3 musketeers! And we have been ever since that candy bar commercial came out in the 90s. Big on chocolate, not on fat! Sarah on the left, Jessica on the right, and that poor girl being cannibalized in the middle is yours truly.   I haven't seen either of these crazy gals since my "second" wedding (also to Sexy Nerd

I don't usually (or ever) post Vitamix recipes here. It's not that I don't think people would be interested in trying my homemade Vitamix recipes. My blender creations have just never been good enough to share. In fact, many of them have been borderline revolting . After much trial and error, however, I am happy to announce that I finally have a delicious Vitamix winner! Just look at this beautiful green smoothie: Note my dapper Frog Prince admiring its green loveliness. He's pondering why I didn't name this recipe The Frog. My Best Vitamix Green Smoothie Recipe So creamy - this is not another boring green juice. Makes 40 ounces Throw the following into the blender: 1 Cup Cold Water 2 Tbsp Chia Seeds 1/2 can Pineapple with Juice (10 ounces) Then add: 1 Mango 1 Orange (or 2 oranges, if yours are itty bitty like mine!) 1 Radish 1 Kale Leaf (a great, big one!) 1/2 a Cucumber 1 Tbsp Flax Seeds 2 Celery Stalks 1 Small Parsley Sprig Bef

A few years ago, I backed up my millions of photo and video files on a flash drive. I was glad I'd planned ahead...until I actually needed the files and discovered the flash drive had removed all the details! The files were still there, but instead of carefully sorted folders and file names, now they're all in one giant mishmash folder with names like T58146297, unable to be sorted by date. Oh, and the flash drive disaster created multiple copies of the same file in multiple sizes with multiple names. Ugh. Today I'm finally making an attempt to organize the files again. It's a slow process, partly because everything is so jumbled, but mostly because I'm easily distracted. I haven't looked at these photos in years! With my BFF in 2008, who I haven't seen since that same year. She's a successful actress in London and when we went to London a few years ago, she was visiting the USA. Ack! I was a muddy bride.  My brother and I in th

Remember that greenhouse Sexy Nerd and I built together? Yeah, I'm taking credit for it. Supervising is hard work! I also provided snacks, Subway sandwiches, and icy sodas, which anyone doing hard manual labor will tell you is a much-appreciated job. I tried to provide icy beer too, but Sexy Nerd said drinking and heavy lifting never go together. He's so moral, that crazy guy of mine. Luckily for the icy beer, I was not doing any heavy lifting. Sexy Nerd worked all day long, tirelessly moving each 80 pound bag of concrete from the bottom of our lot up the steep, uneven ground until all 6,800 pounds were accounted for. When the 85th bag finally reached the top, I ran up to him in celebration. He was sunburned and sweaty; his hair ashen with cement dust. He'd done it! I threw my arms around him. Phew! Sexy Nerd reeked. I knew he'd worked hard, but this was too much. Recoiling, I vowed we would not ride home in the same car. Which leads me to the Sexy Stinky Ne

There's a screech owl who has been flying all around my neighborhood. Our weekly newsletter pointed out this "cute visitor" at the beginning of December. Here he is, perched on a neighbor's front door. It's called a SCREECH owl, not a fluffy owl or a cutesy owl or a buddy owl. Think of a kitten. Now, think of a SCREECH kitten. Scary, right? Perched nonchalantly, he's plotting his next evil deed in that evil feathered head of his. It's what they do. This is exactly why all houses need multiple ways in and out. You say you love owls, but you wouldn't dare open this door with him sitting on it. Insist all you want that it's just so you don't disturb him. We both know it's because owls are scary little f*ckers. The next weekend, the screech owl was photographed at a neighbor's wood pile. Supposedly, it's the same "cute visitor" as before, but this one looks bigger to me. And scarier. And, though I wouldn't h

Long before Duck Dynasty turned the crazy mountain man-look mainstream, there was Biscuit. She will tell you that having a beard is not all it's cracked up to be. Sure, the ladies love it. But your confidence flies right out the window when you realize you've been strutting all afternoon with a leaf dangling from the matted mess, utterly oblivious. Things are especially rough when your mom and dad laugh at you and post your beard faux pas for all the internet to see. Though, some might argue that referring to yourselves as your dog's mom and dad qualifies as a faux pas of its own.

I've been having a lazy holiday weekend and haven't left the house since Thursday. Heck, I've barely even changed out of my pajamas. As you may recall, Sexy Nerd has no respect for a lazy, pajama-wearing afternoon (especially not when that afternoon stretches into 3 consecutive days), so he ditched me to go sort through rocks on our lot. Well, I decided I'd finally had enough of being a lazy bum. In fact, I decided to drive up to our lot and surprise Sexy Nerd with a picnic lunch of Subway sandwiches! Best wife ever? Obviously. I got myself gussied up, complete with head-to-toe sunscreen and the perfect outfit for 4th of July weekend. Then I opened the garage door... Apparently, this is the face I make when I am trapped. We were going to buy an automatic Mini Cooper, non-negotiable. But then Sexy Nerd fell in love with this one, even though it's not an automatic and even though it was the only one he looked at. I pleaded with him to be reasonable

Working in a pediatric dental office is the best. I have an extremely lovable, quirky boss. Remember when she bought me a cheesecake and a box of Fairytale Brownies ? She's all about doing nice things for her employees. (Remember when she threw all my charts into a chaotic pile on the floor? Quirky!) Before Christmas, I arrived at the office to find a list that would be used to help our boss with her holiday shopping. It asked all employees to write down a couple personal details. Just little things, you know, like your favorite color and if you prefer milk or dark chocolate. Oh, and your bra size . On display. Publicly posted for everyone in the office to read. The question especially flustered me because I've always been a tank top sort of gal - I have no idea what bra size I would wear if I wore one. Yes, I'm weird.  Come to think of it, maybe this is why my boss decided a bra would be a good gift idea. I'm still proudly leading my own anti-bra revolution

Another Crazy Purchase of the Day... The custom mountain home we're building has gotten a little out of hand. Why build a regular garage when you can build an RV garage? Why put in a bathtub when you can have a jetted pool? More windows, more skylights, more wood, and more custom millwork? Sure. Why not? I'll tell you why not. Because our budget is in shambles! Currently, the plan for our kitchen is that the white cabinets are going to be twelve feet tall. TWELVE! (And I don't care what else we have to cut out, Sexy Nerd. I will stack my cabinets to the sky.) One of our "must haves" that seems a little silly is a sauna. And not just any sauna, of course, but the biggest sauna, like the ones you find in a spa or corporate health club. It's not like we can invite people over to our home and tell them, "We have a sauna, but there's no room for you," right? So, we researched saunas on Globo Surf and designed our floor plan to include the