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I Forgot My Common Sense Inside The House

I went to get the mail the other afternoon, which in our neighborhood means going to the end of the street to a community mailbox. On my walk there, I passed a man who was going in and out of people's yards. He was maybe in his late 20s/early 30s and I just assumed he was checking the meters for the electric company. I thought nothing of seeing him walk up my driveway right before returning to my house, as I figured he'd walk to the meter and continue on his way.

Nope. He was standing at my front door when I arrived and didn't look like he planned to leave any time soon. I'm not a social person by any stretch of the imagination, especially after a long day at my socially demanding job. When I'm just dashing down to get the mail in a ratty t-shirt and old shorts, this is even more true. The man, who was hovering over me at well over 6 feet tall, explained that our neighbor across the street had quite the cockroach infestation and that he had just finished spraying their house. He pointed to their house and gave their name. If I were in their shoes, which the man continued to explain that I may soon be, the last thing I would want was someone going around telling all my neighbors that my house is swarming with cockroaches!

My patience for socializing was shot. I told the guy that my husband takes care of spraying our house for bugs, but that if he wanted to leave some information, I'd be happy to pass it on. He asked if he could speak to him. "Oh, no," I said. "He's gone on a business trip right now." To which the little part of my brain that likes being safe and alive yelled out to me:

Hey moron! How about we try not announcing to strange, chemical-wielding men that we're home all alone?!

I hastily threw in "but he'll be home tonight!" An odd look crossed the guy's face, and he said "That'll be nice. I bet you're really excited." Clearly, I was not the only socially-challenged one in our conversation.

Our Little Neighborhood of Creepy Crawly Horrors

Comments

  1. Yuck. Perhaps if you also added you husband was coming home tonight to deal with the infestation in your house, he would also stay away.

    LisaDay

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  2. Haha, that's hilarious. You should have thrown in, "And I have really big, protective dogs that are going to be REALLY excited to see him when he gets home. Tonight."

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  3. That's kind of creepy! Stopping by from SITS to say hello and wish you a wonderful weekend!

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  4. A little creepy, not gonna lie :) I'm like that too - I always forget to keep my "fight face" on when I'm out and get approached by the craziest people!

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  5. I made the same ding-dong mistake recently, too! Some weird crackhead-looking lady selling magazine subscriptions asked me if anyone in the neighborhood had big mean dogs that she should worry about. Like a dummy, I said "I don't think so..." when I should have said "Yeah, we have some vicious ones around here!" 2 days later one of the model homes was broken into. Coincidence? I think not.

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  6. Oh my gosh...super creepy. I have done similar stuff and you think--what are you doing!?

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  7. Dude I SO do that too!

    No, he's not here fucktard! Oh shit, BUT he totally will be tonight so don't come back with a butcher knife and yellow plastic leaf bags... Okay?

    No news from the flower guy huh? DAMNIT!

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  8. Oh, No!! Well ...if you see him around the hood again, you could try pulling a Ferris Bueller and play a recording of a hubby's voice from the inside of your house!

    (Just grabbed your button and will proudly display it on my blog roll! Really LOVE your site!)

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  9. I am so curious about anyone in the neighborhood that I do not recognize and I always say things like that.

    In my apartment, the building next door was sprayed and suddenly I got those icky bugs...I swore i would never live with hubby prior to marriage...I would in with my boyfriend 2 weeks later. Ah love and cock roaches.

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  10. Interesting and creepy.......

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  11. I do that kind of stuff all the time too! Anything to get rid of a pushy, creepy person like that. But then I think about it and realize I said the dumbest things. *sigh*

    I hope you get some answers about the flowers soon!

    I have an award for you on my blog :)
    http://barefootprairie.blogspot.com/2010/06/my-first-award.html

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  12. Thanks for leaving a comment over at my blog! I love yours! I'm just discovering it! Such a funny post I do this all the time practically telling someone I'm home alone soo silly! Hehe he sounds like a creepy guy and he clearly isn't very good at drumming up business!

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  13. I hate cockroaches! We rent a nice duplex and were welcomed by them as soon as we had settled in. I have a nice relationship with our pest control guy, who isn't creepy thank god! I hope you don't get any of those disgusting things.

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  14. I always roll out some BS like "oh ya my husband is training for a championship MMA fight" or " yeah, he is at an FBI training conference but look I gotta go I am late for my concealed weapons class and it looks bad if the teacher isn't on time!" My hubby travels alot with his job so I have learned to lay it on pretty thick.

    ReplyDelete

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About Kitty Deschanel

About Kitty Deschanel
I'm a freelance writer who believes in infusing all topics, from Jessner peels to chronic insomnia, with a dose of humor. Thanks to their endless shenanigans, my Sexy Nerd (SN) and our "children", Pica and Biscuit, make frequent appearances on my blog. I have written for major brands including Dove, Anheuser-Busch, and Jimmy Dean and my work has been featured on Huffington Post. Connect with me on Twitter and Instagram @KittyDeschanel.


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