The Best Eyeliner for a Cyclops

It took me until age 30 to finally accept the magic of liquid eyeliner. When I saw rows of dark brown L.A. Colors liquid eyeliner at Dollar Tree (only a buck!) it was impossible to resist any longer. I'm glad I came around - it makes such a difference. Still, being an eyeliner newbie, my morning routine comes to a serious, quiet halt each day as I try to patiently draw a thin, steady line on each eye. Some attempts are more successful than others.

This morning, I drew the best eyeliner line ever on my right eyelid. Really, it was PERFECT! I should have taken a photo of it, in all its skinny, smudgeless glory. Quite pleased with myself, I popped the eyeliner brush back in its tube in preparation of what would surely be an equally successful left eye application.

Then, this happened:

The bristles refused to go back. I began to trim off the stragglers with my nail clippers, but soon realized they were all stragglers. In desperation, (hey, I had only one eye lined. And it was perfect!) the brush was washed clean, dried, and doused with half a can of hairspray to help hold its shape.

Still, the bristled splayed out, laughing at me and my absurd one-eyed makeup.

Really, eyeliner?
Really?!

Cake Mix Pancakes

This reader-favorite recipe is *almost* as popular as my Cake Mix Cookie Bars recipe . When making Cake Mix pancakes , the scrumptious possibilities are endless. Red Velvet cake mix pancakes. Chocolate cake mix pancakes. Butter Pecan cake mix pancakes. Funfetti cake mix pancakes. (Yes, Funfetti cake mix pancakes!) With this 2-ingredient recipe, you can turn your favorite cake mix into your favorite pancakes. Pancake making at its finest. Cake Mix Pancakes Personally, I think my funny napkin is the icing on the (pan)cake. It's Sunday morning and you're planning to do all the things today - scrub those grody baseboards, polish your quartz countertop that was supposed to be low maintenance but actually isn't at all, sort through the disaster that is the freezer. While on your superhuman kick, you think I'm going to make my family pancakes for breakfast. Not just any pancakes - the best pancakes ever. I may even serve them as breakfast in bed! You pu

Chemical Peel Before & After

This article has been updated! My new chemical peel post, which includes pricing, Jessner peel before and after photos, product recommendations, and a helpful timeline for scheduling your treatments, is at the bottom. My original Jessner peel post (one of the most popular on my site of all time) is at the beginning. Original Chemical Peel Article Considering a chemical peel? I recently underwent my first Jessner peel and thought I'd share my results, post a Jessner peel review, and answer some frequently asked chemical peel questions. (I'm guessing that "Does a chemical peel hurt?" is a biggie!) I'd been planning to order an over-the-counter peel when we were in Iceland , but my computer led me a different direction. I decided to do this on a whim after Groupon greeted me one morning with a great $40 chemical peel deal. Now, I can read your mind. You just gasped in horror and thought You trusted your face to a discount chemical peel?! You're wondering w

How to Move a Mattress

My site is popular for reviewing memory foam mattresses. With today's bed-in-a-box options lasting much longer than the traditional 7 years of a spring mattress, there's a good chance you'll eventually need to move one. But how? This is how to move a mattress without damaging it - even by yourself! When we were faced with the challenge of moving our beloved Amerisleep AS3 to our new home, it seemed like my readers would enjoy the details. This handy tip should work for any memory foam bed, including Casper, Leesa, and Nectar. I'm happy to report there is an extremely simple way to do it. Apartment and dorm dwellers rejoice! How to Move a Mattress At first, I wasn't sure how to move our king-size mattress down a flight of stairs. It's a problem we've dreaded solving ever since we made the decision to build a new house. The answer? It was right in the back of our truck. Ratchet straps . This solution could also serve as a 'How To' for returning

Window Seat Idea - Dream Home Inspiration of the Day

See it? Waaay at the back of the photo? I like how the window seat extends past the window all the way to the wall. How about you? If that's not your style, how about one of these lovely window seats? I'll seat you, my pretty, and your little dog too. How perfect would this be in a home office? I'd swap out that wimpy rug with a larger one.

3 Minute Toaster/Convection Oven Smores

These are perfect when you're craving a quick, sugary treat. They work equally well in a toaster oven and a convection oven. Best of all, compared to eating an entire bag of Oreos (something I have never done), they're quite healthy. What's that, you say? You already know how to make s'mores in the toaster oven? Well then, sit back and enjoy the ooey-gooey marshmallowy photos. (And if you're someone who works with me, please keep the "I've seen her polish off an entire bag of Oreo cookies" nonsense to yourself.) Step 1: Put desired amount of graham crackers on a toaster oven/convection oven-safe pan. Looks like it's time to clean this pan, Sexy Nerd Optional 1st step, which is Sexy Nerd's favorite: Spread peanut butter on each graham cracker (I'm not much of a peanut butter fan - WHAT?!? - so I skip this step.) Cover with yummy marshmallows. Top with chocolate chips. Place in the toaster o

Sending NAKED Emails

Although SN and I started out in a long-distance relationship, with me in New Mexico and him in Michigan, drinking that famous Flint water, we haven't spent much time apart since before our wedding 6 years ago, when I took a family reunion trip to the Seychelles and Paris without him. (He "had to work", but I think the idea of 3 weeks nonstop with my mom terrified him. To be fair, it was pretty scary!) Now, he has been gone on a business trip for nearly 2 weeks and I'm kinda starting to miss him. He says he misses me too. So, I decided to have some fun and send him the following email: Subject: Here are some NAKED photos for you Message: Be sure to delete these after you look at them. The photos, one titled "hubba hubba" and the other "you know you love it": "I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it." "I'm sexy and I know it." Yep, that is a 100% collar-free, naked Pica . Sexy Nerd&#

Oatmeal with Quinoa

*Do not add chia seeds - see note at the end of this recipe. In response to my popular Instant Pot Explosion blog post, I've had a few blog readers ask for my oatmeal with quinoa recipe, which is made in the Instant Pot. This seems a bit odd...you guys aren't trying to recreate that gooey mess in your own kitchens, right? My recipe does make delicious, foolproof Instant Pot oatmeal. It's only for patient people though. Whatever you do, do not manually release the pressure valve at the end of the cooking cycle! This recipe is also great in a Crock Pot, though that method takes longer. I like to set the temperature to Low before bed. What a hearty, indulgent breakfast to wake up to! I've been cooking up batches of my Oatmeal with Quinoa for years, long before I'd heard of the Instant Pot, and have even gifted the dry ingredients to health-conscious friends and family, who've suggested I sell this. Shark Tank, here I come! Oatmeal with Quinoa Featured

Field and Vine, Friends and Wine: Our Dinner in the Field

Dreaming of a farm-to-table experience on an actual farm? Sexy Nerd and I have discovered Field & Vine, an Oregon company that hosts special dinners and events. Don't get too attached to Bessie over there... Clarification: Bessie is a cow over in the field, not me. You cannot see the cow in the photo. Again, I am not Bessie. A Night of Culinary Connection and Wine-Fueled Friendships Last July, on a quest to conquer Oregon's wonders and combat adulting fatigue, we stumbled upon the "Dinner in the Field" event at Marion Acres hosted by Field & Vine. This wasn't your average dinner party; it was a celebration of local bounty, exceptional wines, and the joy of finding kindred spirits over shared plates. Surrounded by friendly faces and glasses filled with Suzor wines, we indulged in a multi-course masterpiece showcasing the heart and soul of Marion Acres. It wasn't just about the food; it was about the entire experience. Marion Acres: From Humble Beginning

Funny Dog Memes

How can anyone not like dogs? Here are FUNNY DOG MEMES about everyone's best friend. Thank you to everyone for the positive response to my first Funny Memes blog post. It was wildly popular! As a result, here are some more things to make you laugh, including an original meme only available here. I just renewed my domain name (for NINE years) and it was painfully expensive, especially considering this poor, unsuccessful site never makes any money. Seriously, this site is so in the red that I can't even claim the expense on my taxes. If you can share these memes and drive some traffic here, I'll love you forever! I need to get my stats up prior to May, 2030. Like Christmas, it will be here before you know it. Funny Dog Memes Want to see some funny doggos? Check out Olive and Bernadette in their pajamas !

Dental Memes

As the manager of two successful dental offices, my favorite memes are ones I can share with my dentistry dream team. Happy Team = Living the Dream! You don't have to work in dentistry to enjoy these. After all, everyone is a dental patient. You have visited the dentist within at least the year...right? (No guilt if you haven't! I've scheduled patients who haven't seen a dentist since the 1970s. Dentists, dental assistants, dental hygienists, and dental administrators have seen it all. We love this field because we love helping our patients. It's never too late to get back on track!) Funny Memes for Dentists Reminder: National Dentist's Appreciation Day is March 6th! Funny Memes for Dental Hygienists Reminder: National Dental Hygienist Appreciation Week is always the 2nd week of April! Funny Memes for Dental Assistants Reminder: National Dental Assistant Appreciation Week is always the 2nd week of March! Funny Memes for Dental Office Administrators Reminder: Ad

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