It's 7pm. I think I'll go to bed.
Here are last year's funny (IMHO) allergy posts, combined for extra awesomeness (also known as the lazy way of blogging, which confirms me yelling "I surrender!" to my allergies and to the universe). Enjoy!
You know how I know that these allergies are getting the better of me? I had a conversation with Pica and Biscuit this morning. It went a little something like this:
"Uuuuuuuugh! My throat is so sore that I'm losing my voice! I can barely talk! How am I going to work all day if I can't talk?"
And, of course, upon realizing that I would be wise to keep my thoughts in my head, rather than speak them, I told the dogs:
"I should stop talking to you guys and save my voice for work! I'm not going to tell you about my allergies any more or about how I'm losing my voice! You're going to make me useless at work!"
I've been taking Benadryl before bed each night. It helps me fall asleep, but I always wake up with the urge to quit my job and simply stay in bed forever. I've tried the Walgreens version of some other allergy drug (I think it's supposed to be like Claratin...or maybe it was Sudafed? I'm in an allergy fog at the moment) but it didn't seem to make any difference. Last night, I tried drinking Theraflu before bed. The box said it would relieve my exact allergy symptoms. Sure enough, it tasted lemony and delicious and put me right to sleep...until 1am, when I woke up completely wired, and having to pee. Really, a big drink + makes you sleepy is a bad combination. I was annoyed to be wide awake at 1am, until it occurred to me that I had no idea what time I drank the Theraflu and had fallen asleep. For all I knew, 1am was a perfectly appropriate time to wake up!
I decided to search for natural allergy remedies. Supposedly, I can completely cure any allergy, whether from pollen, cats, or seafood, by drinking several shots of apple cider vinegar a day. It sounded like complete baloney. There were so many positive reviews though, including two from Albuquerque! I'm pleased to report that the 8 shots of apple cider vinegar I've had today didn't taste nearly as bad as I'd expected. Now to just keep this up for 13 more days and I should be 100% cured!
That punk, Sexy Nerd, is on a business trip in Kansas City, which means he is allergy-free! I hate New Mexico so much right now! We should dig up all the juniper and institute a state wide ban against it.
Keep your happy go lucky, allergy-free Sexy Nerd attitude to yourself! If I'm going to suffer, you should have to suffer. It's one of the deals of marriage.
My boss called me from her home today and pointed out that it sounded like I was losing my voice. She proceeded to have me continue talking to her for the next half hour, almost entirely about nothing. She also gave me this little gem of allergy advice - take that ricotta candy from Switzerland, with the bee pollen, and it will cure my allergies. Her teenage son overheard and yelled that it's called "Ricola", not ricotta. He also told her that it's just a cough drop, so it won't help any of my symptoms other than my sore throat. To this, my boss told informed him that the candy will help because it's made with the pollen of Swiss bees that are probably around juniper all the time.