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Showing posts with the label Funny

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The Secret to Making Friends As An Adult

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Popular, you're gonna be popular. I'll teach you the proper poise when you talk to boys. Little ways to flirt and flounce, ooh! I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix your hair. Everything that really counts... I was very popular today. Popular, I'll help you be popular. You'll hang with the right cohorts, you'll be good at sports. Know the slang you've got to know... I stopped at the grocery store and instantly regretted it once I saw the crowd, realizing too late it was too close to the holiday weekend for a quick stop. I grabbed one of those little carts with an upper and lower basket and squeezed my way in, planning to grab just a few things and get the heck out of there. I hate crowds. I suppose everyone hates crowds, at least at the grocery store. Popular, I know about popular. And with an assist from me to be who you'll be... While walking toward the watermelon, I noticed two shopping carts full of wine with clearance stickers. I rand

Killing My House

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 Remember when Olive and Bernadette recently  flooded our new home ? We all had a good laugh (except when the water bill arrived...and the gas bill, because of course they used the hot water...and every time I look at our baseboards, which have warped right off of the walls). Despite this nonsense, do you know what I told everyone the next day? "At least our floors are clean." Ha, ha, ha, ha. All they do is sleep all day, so surely these two sweet pups would never cause any trouble. (The chair askew is a little hint that they cause sooo much trouble.) The morning after the flood, I got up early, making sure to give Olive and Bernadette plenty of time to romp outside prior to heading to work. All they did was sit on the patio and stare at me, longing to come inside to nap. Of course, the moment they were inside? Romp, romp, romp, romp. You know the pack of rambunctious dogs in the movie A Christmas Story who tear through the house and ruin the holiday turkey? These girls are

Breakfast, the Most Embarrassing Meal of the Day

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Let me start this post by stating, for the record, that I stay at Marriott hotels all the time. I'm in it for the breakfast and when a hotel doesn't include this, I stay elsewhere. I am a hotel waffle-making pro . Then again, making your own waffle is easy peasy, right? Behold, the tower of waffle batter goodness. How many gallons does it contain? We would soon find out. I always look forward to creating a decadent hotel waffle. The fateful Monday morning after the Summit County Parade of Homes was no exception and I was pleased to discover that no one was using the waffle iron, despite the crowd in the hotel breakfast room. It's no secret that I'm a social-anxiety mess, even with something as basic as navigating a shared waffle iron, so this was a relief and a great start to my day. I picked up my little plastic batter cup. I pressed down on the dispenser nozzle, as I've done 100 times. And then... The nozzle broke off. It just snapped right off

My Never-Ending Story of Cosmetic Dentistry: Braces Before & After

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This is my  "Can you believe these are really my teeth?!"  face. Braces Before & After My mom insists I've done so much to my teeth that they're going to fall out. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY, MOM! For the record, my teeth are all icky and brown in the middle photo above for two reasons: I'd recently gotten my braces off. Teeth with braces are impossible to keep clean. In preparation for gum surgery, I'd been using a prescription mouthwash that removes any trace of white from your teeth. I've had a terrible smile ever since 3rd grade, when I fell face-first onto the road and fractured my front teeth. My dentist at the time did the best he could to make them look nice, but dental technology in the early 90s just wasn't what it is today. Plus, let's face it, a 3rd grader is rarely a model patient.  Fearing braces, which I was convinced would be painful (not to mention that I was more than awkward and dorky enough without

Happy Birthday to Me

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Thank you to everyone for wishing me a happy birthday. I work with the best people - this German chocolate cake they surprised me with is so tall that it didn't even fit in its bakery box! They said that's not how you cut a cake. I said I'm old now so can cut a cake any damn way I please.  Stabby-style it is. My amazing work peeps (am I now too old to call my friends 'peeps'...) prepared an Italian birthday feast for us to share in our break room.  Fancy organic salad, a lasagna made from scratch (even the sauce - go Christie!), and ooey gooey, cheese-filled breadsticks.   Nothing can top that, right? Somehow the food was topped! I stepped away from my desk for a moment and when I returned, there was a tiny gift bag. Inside was a pair of Maggie Simpson socks. I ripped off my boring, professional black socks and swapped them for the pink and yellow cartoon baby socks. If you don't know, I love The Simpsons. And if you don't know that, we've clearly never

1963 GMC Truck Update

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Remember the 1963 GMC truck we purchased after attending the Street Rod Nationals? SN has been diligently restoring this disaster of a vehicle, which is currently in pieces scattered around our garage and yard. I thought you might enjoy seeing Before photos. Restoration of a 1963 GMC Truck What were we thinking? Meet our old farm truck, 'The Lawn Ornament'. We love the turquoise and even the rust. Well, maybe not all the rust - don't use the side step or it will snap right off! Originally purchased by a New Mexico railroad worker on Christmas Eve of 1962, our GMC truck came fully loaded with all the bells and whistles. While cleaning it out, SN found decades of mementos, including the original paperwork, lipstick, wine glasses...and shotgun bullets in the glove box. Automotive safety standards were a *little* different back in the 1960s. The leaky gas tank was located inside the cab, directly behind the seat. Relocating it to pretty much anywhere else is on SN's To Do

I'm Not a Clever Candy Bar Stasher

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What's the drawer under the oven for? When you started living on your own, did you ever do anything stupid? Like really, really stupid? I did and Sexy Nerd is never going to let me forget it. Geez, I was stupid. Perhaps I'm not the only one though. Let me ask you a question... What is this? (Photo from our 1st home:  https://www.kittydeschanel.com/2017/05/home-interior-decor-photos-kitchen-dining-room.html ) If you answered "I don't know what the heck that is," you'd better read on and learn from my mistake. I have a little disorder known as 'frugalitis'. Some people would insist that I'm just very cheap, but I assure you that it is a serious condition that's completely out of my control. I don't normally spend money on anything frivolous, but I love those little candy bars that used to go on sale for 10/$1. There are a lot to choose from. Kit Kats, Milky Ways, 100 Grands, etc. A few years ago, Hershey changed these to 8/$1

It's Time For a Walk - Funny Puppy Videos

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After years of enjoyment from Pica Hates the Train , which still makes us laugh, we wondered if little Olive would ever have a hilarious video of her own. We didn't have to wait long. 10-week-old Olive VS grouchy ol'  Biscuit : Olive is such a silly weirdo. After she drags Biscuit on a walk, she's going to eat your foot with those super sharp puppy teeth. Watch out! For some reason, this plays in an adorable loop on my Facebook , but only an awkward single time on my blog. 4/7/20 Update: We have added another puppy to our pack! Isn't Bernadette cute?

My Funny Sleep Study Experience

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A lifelong, chronic insomniac , I recently completed an overnight sleep study at the DaVita Medical Group New Mexico Center for Sleep Medicine. Beforehand, I wondered what happens during a sleep study .  My expectations were low - a lifetime of sleeplessness will do that to you - but I liked the idea of being able to officially rule out certain sleep conditions, such as sleep apnea and restless leg syndrome, once and for all. Plus, whenever I complain about Sexy Nerd's snoring, he's all too quick to point out that I snore as well. Spoiler alert - the polysomnogram found that I do NOT snore. Take that, Sexy Nerd! What To Expect During a Sleep Study With all those wires and gizmos, they ought to call it a NO Sleep Study.  I arrived at the sleep clinic around 7 pm and was escorted to a private bedroom. Told to change into my pajamas, the nurse quickly added that I must do that in the bathroom with the door closed, as the bedroom is constantly monitored by cameras. It