Trolled By My Grandma

My grandma lives in Australia, so I rarely saw her growing up. When we did interact, it was always a bit jarring because I'd turned her into a stereotype in my mind. Grandmas are sweet, little old ladies who bake cookies and are always nice to you no matter what, right? For a while, I thought my grandma was mean. Just look at these comments she has posted on my Facebook page:

Me: Construction has been going on for MORE THAN A YEAR. I emailed our builder this morning with a few holiday-related questions, such as if they'll be working on our house at all next week. He blew off all my questions and ignored me, but did have his wife reply to request we pay our latest construction loan installment early to avoid any holiday-related delays.

Nana: Ratbag.

What kind of little old lady calls someone a ratbag? She's one tough grandma! The love is there though. Here I am, causing my poor grandma all kinds of worry:

Me: In an effort to avoid the single supplement and still travel when Sexy Nerd has to work, I need to find a cruise buddy. The ideal candidate is someone who is likable even when we're crammed into a sardine can stateroom for weeks at a time. Smelly folks need not apply.

Nana: Risky???

(I'd intended for a Facebook friend to take me up on the offer - not a complete stranger!)

Now that I'm old (yes, old), I've come to appreciate my grandma's teasing sense of humor, especially because, let's face it, it runs in the family. I just need to keep reminding myself of this when she's trolling me on Facebook. My equally difficult mom doesn't understand what possesses my grandma to say these things. IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY, MOM.

Me: Mixed feelings about my initial sleep study consultation today. It could change my life, but it's insanely expensive and the front desk has a giant cross on the wall with the words "Look to Jesus". If I look to Jesus without paying the $1,000, will he still cure my insomnia?

Nana: Why you can't sleep...guilty conscience?

***

Me: Sexy Nerd is unconvinced, but how amazing would this be for our new house?

Nana: Thank God for Sexy Nerd.

***

Me: F YOU, SNOW! Instead of a 4 course date night at Scalo, we're having mac and cheese at home.

Nana: That's no language for a lady.

***

Me: Gray isn't really our style. Sexy Nerd to the rescue! What color do you think he's painted our new exterior lights?

Nana: Well, come on. Break the awful news.

***

Me: It's a good thing my mom stopped by our house tonight, as the builder went home with the door still open. I'm pretty sure if I'd left work today with our office door open, I'd be out of a job tomorrow. Oh, and she says it doesn't look like anything has been done since she saw it last week. So ready for construction to end!

How can anyone justify taking 15 months to build a 2900 square foot house?

Nana: Tell me that is not the final paint colour for the doors.

Me: It wasn't going to be, but because you said you liked it on the lights, I decided to run with it.

Nana: I lied.

***

Me: One of the best things about our soon-to-be new house is that we can go hiking right in our own backyard. Derek wasn't willing to join me today but said I should go on my own. Then I received this photo from our yard. NOPE. I don't feel like getting my Goldilocks on, thankyouverymuch.

I've been trying to reach Sexy Nerd ever since he emailed me the photo, but no luck. You just know he followed the tracks. Let's hope he hasn't been eaten!

Nana: Hope he made it home...so that he can repaint that door.

Cake Mix Pancakes with No Eggs

When making Cake Mix pancakes , the scrumptious possibilities are endless. Red Velvet cake mix pancakes. Chocolate cake mix pancakes. Butter Pecan cake mix pancakes. Funfetti cake mix pancakes. (Yes, Funfetti cake mix pancakes!) With this 2-ingredient recipe, you can turn your favorite cake mix into your favorite pancakes. Pancake making at its finest. Cake Mix Pancakes with No Eggs Personally, I think my funny napkin is the icing on the (pan)cake. It's Sunday morning and you're planning to do all the things today - scrub those grody baseboards, polish your quartz countertop that was supposed to be low maintenance but actually isn't at all, sort through the disaster that is the freezer. While on your superhuman kick, you think I'm going to make my family pancakes for breakfast. Not just any pancakes - the best pancakes ever. I may even serve them as breakfast in bed! You pull out your favorite pancakes pan. Yeah, you're awesome sauce. But oh...

Chemical Peel Before & After

This article has been updated! My new chemical peel post, which includes pricing, Jessner peel before and after photos, product recommendations, and a helpful timeline for scheduling your treatments, is at the bottom. My original Jessner peel post (one of the most popular on my site of all time) is at the beginning. Original Chemical Peel Article Considering a chemical peel? I recently underwent my first Jessner peel and thought I'd share my results, post a Jessner peel review, and answer some frequently asked chemical peel questions. (I'm guessing that "Does a chemical peel hurt?" is a biggie!) I'd been planning to order an over-the-counter peel when we were in Iceland , but my computer led me a different direction. I decided to do this on a whim after Groupon greeted me one morning with a great $40 chemical peel deal. Now, I can read your mind. You just gasped in horror and thought You trusted your face to a discount chemical peel?! You're won...

10 Canned Cinnamon Roll Hacks

You're in for a treat. Today I'm sharing my best canned cinnamon roll hacks and improvements for turning store-bought cinnamon rolls, like the Pillsbury Grands ones or even the store brand, into something special. Dry cinnamon rolls? No thank you. They need to be OOEY and GOOEY. That's just Cinnamon Roll 101. All of these ideas keep Pillsbury canned cinnamon rolls soft, company-worthy, and delicious. These are also great for taking homemade cinnamon rolls up a notch, but what a pain that is. With these better-than-homemade canned cinnamon roll hacks, you'll never bother to bake them from scratch again. Test out some of these ideas tomorrow. Won't it be nice to dig into a mouthwatering cinnamon roll for breakfast? You can't get a better start to your day than that. 10 Canned Cinnamon Roll Hacks No Eggs Needed! Actually, make that 11 easy ways to improve store-bought cinnamon rolls: you can top them with homemade coffee whipped cream . Yum! Nope, make that...

How to Move a Mattress

My site is popular for reviewing memory foam mattresses. With today's bed-in-a-box options lasting much longer than the traditional 7 years of a spring mattress, there's a good chance you'll eventually need to move one. But how? This is how to move a mattress without damaging it - even by yourself! When we were faced with the challenge of moving our beloved Amerisleep AS3 to our new home, it seemed like my readers would enjoy the details. This handy tip should work for any memory foam bed, including Casper, Leesa, and Nectar. I'm happy to report there is an extremely simple way to do it. Apartment and dorm dwellers rejoice! How to Move a Mattress At first, I wasn't sure how to move our king-size mattress down a flight of stairs. It's a problem we've dreaded solving ever since we made the decision to build a new house. The answer? It was right in the back of our truck. Ratchet straps . This solution could also serve as a 'How To' for returning ...

Dental Memes

As the manager of two successful dental offices, my favorite memes are ones I can share with my dentistry dream team. Happy Team = Living the Dream! You don't have to work in dentistry to enjoy these. After all, everyone is a dental patient. You have visited the dentist within at least the year...right? (No guilt if you haven't! I've scheduled patients who haven't seen a dentist since the 1970s. Dentists, dental assistants, dental hygienists, and dental administrators have seen it all. We love this field because we love helping our patients. It's never too late to get back on track!) Funny Memes for Dentists Reminder: National Dentist's Appreciation Day is March 6th! Funny Memes for Dental Hygienists Reminder: National Dental Hygienist Appreciation Week is always the 2nd week of April! Funny Memes for Dental Assistants Reminder: National Dental Assistant Appreciation Week is always the 2nd week of March! Funny Memes for Dental Office Administrators Reminder: Ad...

Window Seat Idea - Dream Home Inspiration of the Day

See it? Waaay at the back of the photo? I like how the window seat extends past the window all the way to the wall. How about you? If that's not your style, how about one of these lovely window seats? I'll seat you, my pretty, and your little dog too. How perfect would this be in a home office? I'd swap out that wimpy rug with a larger one.

Reuzel: Grooming Tonic Industry Review

I'm looking out for you, my bloggy friends. At my last haircut, the hairdresser shared his favorite hair product of all time, REUZEL (which I'd never heard of), with me and I had enough sense to get the details to share with you. He didn't even have a bottle of it to sell me. It was a genuine, honest review. Also, are they still called hairdressers? Is this the equivalent of calling your flight attendant a stewardess? Stylist? Barber? Reuzel Grooming Tonic Review You know those men who have the softest, most perfect hair and it seems so unfair because most men don't even care about their hair? (Or so they say.) I think this is their secret. While you're here, be sure to read my funny haircut story . Geez, I'm awkward. The fact that I was brave enough to ask to take this photo at the salon is proof I love my blog readers. Never heard of it? That's probably because Reuzel Grooming Tonic is marketed toward men. From reading their endless 5-star reviews, men ...

Instant Pot Oatmeal & Quinoa Recipe (Healthy Egg-Free Breakfast)

*Do not add chia seeds - see note at the end of this recipe. In response to my popular Instant Pot Explosion blog post, I've had a few blog readers ask for my oatmeal with quinoa recipe, which is made in the Instant Pot. This seems a bit odd...you guys aren't trying to recreate that gooey mess in your own kitchens, right? My recipe does make delicious, foolproof Instant Pot oatmeal. It's only for patient people though. Whatever you do, do not manually release the pressure valve at the end of the cooking cycle! This recipe is also great in a Crock Pot, though that method takes longer. I like to set the temperature to Low before bed. What a hearty, indulgent breakfast to wake up to! I've been cooking up batches of my Oatmeal with Quinoa for years, long before I'd heard of the Instant Pot, and have even gifted the dry ingredients to health-conscious friends and family, who've suggested I sell this. Shark Tank, here I come! Oatmeal with Quinoa No eggs/...

Hello Fresh Complaints

Hello, my bloggy friends. I have a HelloFresh complaint and believe they are pulling a scam. Yours truly came *this close* to falling for it. Maybe scam is too harsh of a word. Sneaky? You can decide for yourself. The fact that there are so many Hello Fresh complaints online does seem suspicious. My main complaint about Hello Fresh has to do with their promotional rate, which seems like it is set up to be intentionally misleading (more on this below). Despite so many people complaining about being charged more than they thought they'd agreed to, Hello Fresh maintains this as part of their business model and continues to mislead. So it's intentional, right? I do not recommend Hello Fresh. For starters, the service is just ingredients-by-mail with recipes, not meals. You can buy your own ingredients for much less, especially now that most grocery stores conveniently offer pickup and delivery. Excellent recipes are easy to find. Click here for a list of top-rated, reader-favori...

3 Minute Toaster/Convection Oven Smores

These are perfect when you're craving a quick, sugary treat. They work equally well in a toaster oven and a convection oven. Best of all, compared to eating an entire bag of Oreos (something I have never done), they're quite healthy. What's that, you say? You already know how to make s'mores in the toaster oven? Well then, sit back and enjoy the ooey-gooey marshmallowy photos. (And if you're someone who works with me, please keep the "I've seen her polish off an entire bag of Oreo cookies" nonsense to yourself.) Step 1: Put desired amount of graham crackers on a toaster oven/convection oven-safe pan. Looks like it's time to clean this pan, Sexy Nerd Optional 1st step, which is Sexy Nerd's favorite: Spread peanut butter on each graham cracker (I'm not much of a peanut butter fan - WHAT?!? - so I skip this step.) Cover with yummy marshmallows. Top with chocolate chips. Place in the toaster o...

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