Kitty Deschanel | Food, Wine, and Travel Adventures Across the USA

I installed the Lumosity brain training app weeks ago, then completely forgot about it until last night. That should have been my first clue. To get started with the app, I played three games which tested my "Memory Matrix", "Speed Match", and "Train of Thought" and received a Fit Test score.    Yes! I am a genius. Take that, inferior drolls of society, and bow before my greatness. Surely even Stephen Hawking gets distracted from time to time. Even so, this score was a disappointment after my victorious Speed Match test and seemed not-at-all geniusy. Further salting the wound, 76 is my most hated number. Come to think of it, 76 is my only hated number. (It's a long, dragon-related story.) The Train of Thought test had to be defective. My remaining score would concrete my value to society and elevate me to godlike status. Even better, Sexy Nerd would be super impressed. I am an idiot.

Our 9 year wedding anniversary is almost here already! These photos were taken on January 10th, 2008 on our way from the wedding at Kualoa Ranch on Oahu to the reception at Lei Lei's Turtle Bay. It was the 4 year anniversary of our first date. So young. So dorky. While visiting Sexy Nerd's family for the 4th of July, the topic of our bizarre wedding came up. No one believed me about some of the things that our wedding officiant, Captain Howie, had discussed during the ceremony. Most of them were there though. They must have blocked the craziness out. Luckily, everything was recorded. Click the image to enlarge - you won't regret it! He'd totally been smoking the Maui Wowie, right?  There had been some red flags about using Above Heaven's Gate and Captain Howie for our wedding. For example, after months of communicating through email, we called and were told to hang on so they could get someone who speaks Spanish. You know, because we live in New Mexico. At the...

January 2017 will mark twelve years at my job at a children's dental office, which is 99% of the reason Sexy Nerd and I don't have any kids. It's a job I mostly love, unexpected as it started as just an internship-like side gig between college classes and my "real" job. Here's a little taste of what I've been putting up with during that time, with the name of my boss changed for privacy...though any computer-savvy person will be able to figure out the real name without much sleuthing: Me: Thank you for calling Dr. Simon’s office. This is Kitty. How may I help you? *Beep* Me: Hello? *Boop* Me: This is Dr. Simon’s office. Can you hear me? Angry Caller: I WANT TO TALK TO A REAL PERSON (followed by a surprisingly long list of profanities) Awkward silence Me:   This is Kitty with Dr. Simon’s office…I’m a real person. Angry Caller: YOU’RE A REAL PERSON? Me: Yes. Are you trying to reach Dr. Simon’s office? Angry Caller: WELL IT’S A...

My brother and his wife are moving to Australia, where she will attend medical school and he will mooch off our relatives get a job. Everything must go! We just returned from their house $200 poorer, but rich in junk. A backup bread machine? Ours squeals like a pig whenever it's in the mixing cycle, so sure. Speakers for the garage? We're building our house around the garage ; of course it's going to need surround sound. My sister-in-law was happy to let me have her old purse for free, pointing out that she'd received it for free as a gift from my mom, but my brother jumped in and charged me $20 for it. When I'd wanted it a few years ago, his price was $50. We aren't close. A surprising thing about my brother and his wife is that they are bodybuilders. I know, you re-read that last sentence, thinking you'd surely misunderstood. Take a look: A video posted by Joanna Neal (@joanna.n88) on Oct 19, 2016 at 7:14pm PDT A video posted by ...

While on our roadtrip of national parks , we learned firsthand how the force of erosion carved our landscape, from the Grand Canyon to the hoodoos in Utah. But we never dreamed erosion could lead to our demise until, suddenly, a boulder dislodged itself and came slamming down the hillside toward us. We faced certain doom. Luckily, Sexy Nerd sprang into action! The massive rock was no match for his muscles of steel. Don't be fooled by his quiet demeanor, affinity for cactus, and funny-looking footwear . When danger strikes, the man you want in your corner is the man with the pocket protector.   Hooray for Sexy Nerd! Always the courteous one, Sexy Nerd rolled the stone off the trail, moving it as easily as one might spin a top. We resumed our leisurely hike, glad to leave our near-death experience in the dust. Disclaimer: This story may have been *slightly* embellished.

As a lifelong insomniac, I'm always open to trying new sleep tricks. Some things improve my sleep, such as my Amerisleep memory foam mattress, keeping the temperature in our bedroom at a chilly 67 degrees, and a pre-bed cocktail of half a Unisom, half a multivitamin, and a fish oil pill. Yum, yum, right? Other tried-and-true sleep tips don't seem to have any effect, including Dr. Weil's relaxation breathing technique, which other bloggers swear by as a cure for insomnia. Sadly, it just doesn't do anything for me. I do have a sleep cure (well, improvement, at least) of my own though and I encourage you to give it a try during your next restless night. It's a bit unusual though. Keep an open mind. Imagine yourself as a mountain lion. Weird, right? Weird, but this visualization actually helps. You're an immense, powerful mountain lion. You have no responsibilities. No worries. No cares. All day long, you have been roaming beneath the sweltering sun, climb...