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I Hope We Don't Win the Mega Millions Jackpot

It's a risky game I'm playing.

With all the talk of the Mega Millions jackpot exceeding a billion dollars (and maybe even hitting two billion - crazy!), even my frugal-minded self couldn't resist the siren call of the lottery. I mean, how else am I ever going to have a shot at becoming a billionaire? (My husband was quick to point out that with hard work, anyone can become a billionaire and that it's still a possibility for us. Okay, Pollyanna. He sees the world through very rosy glasses indeed.)

Like every American the last few days, I was instantly consumed with how I'll spend my theoretical winnings. I would take the annuity rather than a lump sum, which would be more than a million dollars per month for the next 29 years, after taxes. My future self, the billionaire, was going to use the money to hire someone to wallpaper our master bedroom. Heck, she was going to hire someone to wallpaper the entire house! She might even have replaced some of the tile on the floor.

Clearly, spending a billion dollars is more than my imagination can comprehend. I'd be like a thrifty Mr. Burns. Enjoy the sun while you can, muah ha ha. I set off to buy my $1 Mega Millions ticket.

Then I learned a Mega Millions ticket costs two dollars. "Too rich for my blood," I said, feeling at once like a professional poker player. The odds are absurd anyway - you're much more likely to be in a plane crash (1 in 11,000,000) or struck by lightening (1 in 700,000) or killed by a dog (1 in 18,000,000) than win the Mega Millions jackpot (1 in 258,890,850). You're also more likely to bowl a perfect 300 game (1 in 11,500). I threw in that last statistic because the others were getting a bit dark.

So, just for fun*, here are the numbers I would have gone with if I'd purchased a ticket. If you'd like to play this game too, Mega Millions has 5 white balls numbered 1-70 and one Mega Ball numbered 1-25.

*It's loads of fun as long as I don't actually have the winning numbers. Oh my gawd can you imagine? More than a billions dollars, gone, all because I was too cheap to spend $2. I would die. Or write a book about it, I suppose. That would be a great plot for a book. A bestseller. Pre-orders are currently being accepted - billionaire status here I come!

My Mega Millions Ticket
Here are my 5 numbers for the white balls: 4, 70, 52, 8, 33

Mega Ball: 9

As long as I'm only spending theoretical money, I may as well waste an entire twenty and "buy" 9 more tickets. What the heck.

My Mega Millions Ticket #2
Here are my 5 numbers for the white balls: 1, 6, 66, 57, 12

Mega Ball: 7

My Mega Millions Ticket #3
Here are my 5 numbers for the white balls: 69, 4, 52, 7, 8

Mega Ball: 21

My Mega Millions Ticket #4
Here are my 5 numbers for the white balls: 44, 40, 50, 5, 9

Mega Ball: 24

My Mega Millions Ticket #5
Here are my 5 numbers for the white balls: 14, 7, 9, 48, 12

Mega Ball: 2

My Mega Millions Ticket #6
Here are my 5 numbers for the white balls: 61, 16, 70, 5, 12

Mega Ball: 15

My Mega Millions Ticket #7
Here are my 5 numbers for the white balls: 8, 11, 28, 2, 57

Mega Ball: 1

My Mega Millions Ticket #8
Here are my 5 numbers for the white balls: 19, 9, 20, 30, 1

Mega Ball: 3

My Mega Millions Ticket #9
Here are my 5 numbers for the white balls: 33, 64, 6, 17, 3

Mega Ball: 19

My Mega Millions Ticket #10
Here are my 5 numbers for the white balls: 8, 70, 5, 41, 39

Mega Ball: 25

Come back to this site after the drawing to see how I fared. I'll either be $20 richer or I'll need you to talk me off the ledge.

Here's one more statistic. The odds of the winning numbers for the Mega Millions jackpot being 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 are exactly equal to the odds of the winning numbers being any of my choices here.

To those of you who have purchased tickets, let me know if I randomly chose your numbers. Eerie. I wonder what the statistics are on something like that.

To any of you who use my numbers on real tickets and actually win, have I mentioned how amazing you are? Have you lost weight? You're looking good, my friend. My best friend.

See how fun we are? We'd be just like this spending your winnings, but on a yacht. BFF material right here.

Well, we didn't win. 10 tickets and I never even had the Mega Ball. Whew! What a relief.


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