Ho Hos Chinese Food - Making Your $4.75 Go Further

This is the quickest, easiest, and cheapest meal to feed a crowd EVER.


Step One: Buy a HoHos Happy Combo, which is a ginormous box of lo mein, fried rice, and 3 entrees for about five bucks. Of course, if you don't live in Albuquerque, you can always substitute food from your favorite local Chinese restaurant.

On a quick side note, when did "ginormous" become an actual, spellchecker-approved word?

Step Two: Steam or boil whatever tasty vegetables you have lying around. I love to use carrots, cabbage, celery, and bean sprouts. Throw in some peanuts too!


Eew, these bean sprouts look like little bugs. They sure are tasty though!

Step Three: Mix everything together. Let the flavors mingle.

 
Look how healthy this is! Other than, you know, all that greasy Chinese food you're about to add to it.

Step Four: There is no step four. You're done! Wasn't that the simplest, most affordable meal for a crowd you've ever made?

 
Not exactly the most appetizing photo ever, but it tastes amazing. Come to think of it, I took this photo before reheating the Chinese food, which had been sitting in the fridge all afternoon. Why would I do that? And what on earth are those tiny dots scattered throughout the food??

Black pepper...I'm fairly certain.

I Hope I Didn't Brain My Damage

I installed the Lumosity brain training app weeks ago, then completely forgot about it until last night. That should have been my first clue. To get started with the app, I played three games which tested my "Memory Matrix", "Speed Match", and "Train of Thought" and received a Fit Test score.

 
 Yes! I am a genius. Take that, inferior drolls of society, and bow before my greatness.

Surely even Stephen Hawking gets distracted from time to time. Even so, this score was a disappointment after my victorious Speed Match test and seemed not-at-all geniusy. Further salting the wound, 76 is my most hated number.

Come to think of it, 76 is my only hated number. (It's a long, dragon-related story.)

The Train of Thought test had to be defective. My remaining score would concrete my value to society and elevate me to godlike status. Even better, Sexy Nerd would be super impressed.

I am an idiot.

Overpriced Wedding Flowers

Our 9 year wedding anniversary is almost here already! These photos were taken on January 10th, 2008 on our way from the wedding to the reception. It was the 4 year anniversary of our first date.

So young. So dorky.
For another digital scrapbook page from our wedding album, click here.

Dental Reception: Sometimes It's Like Pulling Teeth

January 2017 will mark twelve years at my job at a children's dental office, which is 99% of the reason Sexy Nerd and I don't have any kids. It's a job I mostly love, unexpected as it started as just an internship-like side gig between college classes and my "real" job. Here's a little taste of what I've been putting up with during that time, with the name of my boss changed for privacy...though any computer-savvy person will be able to figure out the real name without much sleuthing:

Me: Thank you for calling Dr. Simon’s office. This is Kitty. How may I help you?

*Beep*

Me: Hello?

*Boop*

Me: This is Dr. Simon’s office. Can you hear me?

Angry Caller: I WANT TO TALK TO A REAL PERSON (followed by a surprisingly long list of profanities)

Awkward silence

Me: This is Kitty with Dr. Simon’s office…I’m a real person.

Angry Caller: YOU’RE A REAL PERSON?

Me: Yes. Are you trying to reach Dr. Simon’s office?

Angry Caller: WELL IT’S ABOUT TIME! I CAN NEVER GET A REAL PERSON AND I NEED TO GET SOMEONE OUT HERE TO MY HOUSE!

Me: I think you may have the wrong number. Are you trying to reach a pediatric dentist?

Angry Caller: QWEST! THIS IS QWEST, RIGHT?

Me: No, sorry. You have the wrong number. This is Dr. Simon’s office. She’s a dentist.

Awkward silence

Overly-Apologetic Caller: Oh my God, I thought you were a computer. I'm so sorry! I never would have yelled at you had I known!

Me: That's okay! Good luck trying to reach Qwest. I know they can be frustrating. Have a nice day!

Overly-Apologetic Caller Who I Cannot Get Off the Phone: I kept pressing buttons thinking that's what I had to do. Oh, it must have been right in your ear! I'm so sorry! Oh, I feel awful about that. And I've taken so much of your time! Sorry again.

Me: Don't worry about it. Have a great day!

Crazy Woman Who Refuses to Hang Up: You even told me, didn't you. Oh, again I am just so, so sorry. I'm embarrassed. I can't believe I did that. I've taken up so much of your time. I really can't apologize enough.
WHY IS THIS CONVERSATION STILL HAPPENING?!

This is the transcript of an actual phone conversation I had earlier this week, abruptly shortened as I thought my readers would lose their minds reading through the 27 additional back-and-forth exchanges between myself and this woman, all in an attempt to terminate the neverending call.

Career goals for 2017: Be less patient and be less nice. The stereotypical rude receptionist who is sarcastic and puts you on hold forever? Embrace the stereotype.
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