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Getting All Teary-Eyed

Earlier at work, we were sitting around talking about someone who had recently passed away. Although it was sad and I feel terrible for the people who were close to him, I had never met the person and did not feel compelled to cry, yet sat there rubbing my eye and rapidly blinking throughout the entire, hour-long conversation. The two other women involved in the conversation probably thought Don't sit there trying to fake cry! You're pathetic! but I was only doing it because there was something in my eye. It was driving me CRAZY, but I couldn't very well get up and leave to look in the mirror while someone was pouring their grieving heart out. So, I sat there politely, squinting and nonchalantly closing one eye periodically, in a sympathetic sort of wink, until I was alone. Finally, I thought, inspecting my eye in the mirror. 

It turned out that the thing irritating my eye is GROWING FROM MY EYELID! What the heck do I do now? According to Dr. Google, (my primary care physician) I have a stye. It’s not anywhere near as disgusting as the images that Dr. Google showed me (really, Dr. Google, there is such a thing as too much information!) but now I’m worried that this may just be the beginning and that I’ll wake up tomorrow to discover that my eyelid is swollen shut and bright pink, along with half my face! Dr. Google, along with colleague Dr. Wikipedia, has also advised me that this insanely annoying eyelid bump may stick around for the next 10 days unless treated...by sticking a needle into it! Ummm, not exactly comfortable with that idea, thanks! Sensing my anxiety, Dr. Wikipedia offered this little gem of information:

Stye surgery is performed by an ophthalmologist in his office, and generally under local anesthesia. The procedure consists in making a small incision on the inner or outer surface of the eyelid depending if the stye is pointing externally or not. After the incision is made, the pus is drained out of the gland and very small and unnoticeable sutures are used to close the lesion. It is common that the removed stye is biopsied to rule out the possibility of skin cancer.

Oh.My.God.I.Am.Going.To.Freaking.Die! Oh, did I mention that I just had a doctor’s appointment (with a REAL doctor) 2 days ago? Would’ve been nice for this wacky eye problem to appear just a little sooner (or not at all!)

Make fun of me now, Sexy Nerd, but you're going to feel like quite the jerk when I'm 6 feet under from stye-poisoning

So, who out there has a fabulous* home remedy for me?

*Not-so-fabulous remedies need not apply