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I feel like an idiot today. BlogHer contacted me to write my first paid blog post ever and I completely blew it. My post was due today. Easy peasy! I even told one of my coworkers about it this morning. She asked what time it was due and I replied that it's just due on the 15th, with no specific time. Then I checked my email and saw a message asking where my blog post was - it was supposed to be submitted by 9am! How the heck did I miss that? I looked back over the emails I'd received about the sponsored post and it clearly said 9am. Quite the first impression, right?

I think what makes me the most upset is that this was the first time I've ever been paid to write anything. I felt like a "real" writer. It probably seems silly to people who actually make their living through writing, but with nothing else to go on, it was a big deal to me. I still submitted my blog post, but it was about 12 hours late! I hope BlogHer will still use it, but I wouldn't be surprised if they don't.

Sexy Nerd has been waiting for me to turn off my computer and come to bed, but I feel like I need to write out my thoughts before I'll have any chance of falling asleep tonight. There are so many little things going on in my life right now and they're all bunching up into a mess in my mind.

In addition to planning holiday travel to 2 different cities for myself and Sexy Nerd, I've been making (and changing and canceling!) hotel and flight reservations for my boss and her family, as well as trying to think of a fun vacation my parents, who do not travel well, can take for my dad's 60th birthday. Less than 12 hours after I return from our trip, I'm scheduled to have my wisdom teeth extracted! I'm nervous about the procedure on its own, but am also needing to get 3 prescriptions filled beforehand and I'll need to remember to bring 2 of them on our vacation and take them the day we fly home, then not eat or drink anything shortly after we land. I'm not sure what to do with our dogs while we're away and I still haven't booked our hotel for the first city. The hotel for the second city is booked, but I'm afraid that I chose a horrible place to stay and our reservation is non-refundable.

Is that all? No. The holidays are such a social time and I simply can't cope with social situations. I've tried. Remember my jury duty post a few months ago? Remember how I had a panic attack and cried in the courtroom? We have a cookie exchange at work on Monday and I'm worried that my cookies are going to be embarassingly bad. I'm also going out with the girls at work for a holiday dinner on Thursday. It's for a restaurant I've never been to and I made the reservation. What if it's our worst holiday dinner ever? I think everyone at work looks forward to it and I'd hate to have anything to do with them being disappointed. Geez, this seems so silly as I'm writing it. It's funny the little things that get to you.

There are other things weighing on me at the moment (socializing with my family on Christmas, cleaning our house, getting my car washed, hoping that my car doesn't break down or have another crazy electrical problem, going into work tomorrow, deciding whether or not Sexy Nerd and I should try to have a baby (!), organizing my office, deciding what to wear tomorrow, buying sweaters for the dogs even though Sexy Nerd insists that dogs don't need sweaters because they are dogs, returning a dress I ordered that is too big, using 5 great coupons before they expire on the 24th, burning a CD that I promised to a friend, returning my mom's 2 calls eventually, figuring out a time to go see a David Sedaris holiday play that is only running this week).

See how small her sweater is?

It's funny. I don't think I seem at all like the type of person who is bothered by things like what I've mentioned here. Usually, I'm likely to shrug off stressful situations and tell others that things will work out. Little concerns, when piled on top of each other, have just always had a way of getting to me though. When I was 16, all the tiny problems stacked up so much that I tried to kill myself. Today, I can't even remember what it was like to feel that way, only that it was like nothing I ever want to go through again. I don't think I will. How can any amount of problems be enough to justify something so drastic? Other than the little daily stresses, I'm the happiest I've ever been with my life! When I feel anxious, I think back to when I was a teenager. It helps me put things into perspective. So what if we have the worst vacation ever (although, it would be hard to outdo our Costa cruise in the category of crappy vacations)? Yes, I'll be uncomfortable with all the social situations I'm forced into over the next couple weeks, but they'll be over soon and no matter how awkward they seem to me, to everyone else they will probably be unmemorable.

Whew. This post has gone on and on. I set out to clear my thoughts so that I could hopefully fall asleep tonight and wrote more than I'd expected. I don't feel any less stressed. If anything, my heart feels like it's beating a bit faster than when I started. I think I'll go take an Ambien and get to bed.

I love blogging.


  1. Wow! That is a lot going on. Don't know that I can say anything to make it better except the cliche: This too shall pass. Also, even if it all goes to pot--think of all the blog fodder you'll have. LOL

    Hope things settle down and look up soon.

  2. Awww, I just love your doggy. Remember to take some time for yourself and relax girl! This time of year can indeed be crazy.

  3. UGH! I would have totally freaked out too but you did what you had to do and it's out of your hands. I like how you casually threw in there "decide if we should have a baby." Good luck, try not to stress and hello-cookies are delish no matter what! If you burn them, you can send them to my FIL, he loves burnt cookies!

  4. a baby!!!!??? well it would be a hybrid lamb/sexy nerd... like a lerd!!! or a bexy!

    any who, i don't know if you read my post about my friend chris and his " dont over analyze! it is what it is!" convo but it helps to think back to his words and these

    " think back 5 years, none of the stress then matters now, so how much do you think all of this shit will matter in the next five?"

    Nothing! just one day at a time lamb.. one day at a time!!
    :) good luck

  5. yikes, that's a lot going on, but i'm glad you were able to clear your head. i think that's what blogging is for. just to let you know, i saw you won a giveaway at women who do it all-congrats on that! and super cute dog sweater!

  6. Go ahead, have that baby, and all of the other stuff will magically disappear for a year or two. :) I know exactly what you mean. The thing is, it's not any of those things (or all of them) that are the problem, it's your present state of mind. And you're doing the right things (writing them out and seeing that you're magnifying their weight). It's hard to think of a restaurant so bad that it would ruin a holiday lunch because hell, it's a holiday lunch. Make a list of the medications you have to take on holiday, make a list of stuff you have to take on holiday that includes the medications, and hey, if you're planning on having a baby, wisdom teeth being extracted is NOTHING. Wait, is that not helpful? I'm at home with a sick kid and a million things that need to get done and my hair is making it all so much worse, so look for a similar blog post from me in the near future.

  7. Sounds stressful. Its funny how when you think about something so much the little details seem to slip your mind! I also love how you just snuck in the little comment about having a baby... I think that would stress me out enough for a full post lol! Good luck with everything!!!

  8. Wow that is a lot going on. The holidays are always nuts. It's amazing how we all fit in everything into one month.
    Also, David Sedaris play?? I met him a few weeks ago at a book signing.

  9. I am so right there with you. Good for you for blogging! I'm struggling a lot with feeling like all I do lately is complain in my blog, but it's so therapeutic when you put it all out there and people are like "Amen!" So, AMEN! Your trip will be great because if it's the two of you and if it's horrible, you'll still have a great story. Everyone will love the dinners you planned and I'm sure if you have enough social lubricant, you'll be fine socializing with the family.

    Oh and my two cents: go for the baby! Just kidding, I know it's a huge decision. We didn't have any trouble deciding on our first, but whether and when to have a second has been a struggle for us, in terms of getting on the same page.

    Breathe, relax, and try to enjoy. That's what I'm doing. Which is why all I post lately is food and ornaments.


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