Long Distance Marriage

I don't say it enough here on my site, but I just absolutely love that Sexy Nerd of mine. You wouldn't suspect it if you knew him in real life, with his professional attire and reasonable social skills, but he's every bit as weird as me. I'm missing him this week because he's been traveling for work more than usual. He just got home from Kansas City last night and he's already gone again for a different business trip! And he leaves again next week for California. Sexy Nerd insists he doesn't have a secret other family, but isn't all this traveling exactly what someone with a secret other family would do?

You'd expect this would mean lots of phone calls, but guess what? I don't have a phone, home or otherwise. Well, not a working phone, at least, but my non-working phone is only $5 per month (more than $6 with taxes...which seems like a heck of a lot of taxes, now that I think of it. More than 20% taxes??) so we are all about emailing. Pretty appropriate for us, since we met on Match and built our relationship on a foundation of online conversations. He liked that I baked cookies and I liked that he took his grandpa to the museum. I'm getting off-topic though. Today, I thought it would be nice to share an email from Sexy Nerd that was waiting for me when I woke up the other day, along with my replies.

Oh, and Ansel is the interior decorator whose services are being provided to us free of charge through our builder, Panorama Homes. She's exactly like my crazy boss, so now I get to spend all day with my boss when I'm at work and all day with my boss when I'm not at work. That's a chocolate-covered story for another day though.

SN: Hello my love. The plane is super late, so I won't be at the hotel until really late tonight. Get some good sleep and don't forget to feed the puppies. They are so skinny.

Me: These fat puppies? Do you have some secret, hidden puppies I don't know about? Because that would be awesome.

Sorry your plane is being a jerk. Our travels went so smoothly. Maybe I was your good luck charm.

Mwah! Ansel and I are going to design you a hot pink house with lots of florals and glitter and little garden gnomes. Wait, would you enjoy the gnomes?

SN: I love garden gnomes! I missed getting to talk to you last night. Thought I would send you an email this morning since you are probably not up yet. How did your meeting with Ansel go? How many gnomes did you add? What shade of fuscia?

Me: You're right that I was not awake at 4:49 am. 2 am would have worked. Sooo close! I MISS YOU! That said, going to bed at 6:45 last night and watching Sailor Moon when I woke up at 11 pm was pretty awesome. It turns out the bad guys aren't really humans and they didn't even know it; they were a bird, a tiger, and a fish. When they died, Pegasus gifted them each with a dream mirror so that they could have a soul and "find salvation in the afterlife." Sailor Moon is a lot more Jesusy than I remember.

Oh, I almost forgot the best part. Ansel wants to know when we're going to have a baby. I suspect she'll be designing our house with a future baby in mind. Bah!

A man who loves garden gnomes is a rare catch. Isn't he just the greatest husband ever?

Cake Mix Pancakes

This reader-favorite recipe is *almost* as popular as my Cake Mix Cookie Bars recipe . When making Cake Mix pancakes , the scrumptious possibilities are endless. Red Velvet cake mix pancakes. Chocolate cake mix pancakes. Butter Pecan cake mix pancakes. Funfetti cake mix pancakes. (Yes, Funfetti cake mix pancakes!) With this 2-ingredient recipe, you can turn your favorite cake mix into your favorite pancakes. Pancake making at its finest. Cake Mix Pancakes Personally, I think my funny napkin is the icing on the (pan)cake. It's Sunday morning and you're planning to do all the things today - scrub those grody baseboards, polish your quartz countertop that was supposed to be low maintenance but actually isn't at all, sort through the disaster that is the freezer. While on your superhuman kick, you think I'm going to make my family pancakes for breakfast. Not just any pancakes - the best pancakes ever. I may even serve them as breakfast in bed! You pu

How to Move a Mattress

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3 Minute Toaster/Convection Oven Smores

These are perfect when you're craving a quick, sugary treat. They work equally well in a toaster oven and a convection oven. Best of all, compared to eating an entire bag of Oreos (something I have never done), they're quite healthy. What's that, you say? You already know how to make s'mores in the toaster oven? Well then, sit back and enjoy the ooey-gooey marshmallowy photos. (And if you're someone who works with me, please keep the "I've seen her polish off an entire bag of Oreo cookies" nonsense to yourself.) Step 1: Put desired amount of graham crackers on a toaster oven/convection oven-safe pan. Looks like it's time to clean this pan, Sexy Nerd Optional 1st step, which is Sexy Nerd's favorite: Spread peanut butter on each graham cracker (I'm not much of a peanut butter fan - WHAT?!? - so I skip this step.) Cover with yummy marshmallows. Top with chocolate chips. Place in the toaster o

10 Canned Cinnamon Roll Hacks

You're in for a treat. Today I'm sharing my best canned cinnamon roll hacks and improvements for turning store-bought cinnamon rolls, like the Pillsbury Grands ones or even the store brand, into something special. Dry cinnamon rolls? No thank you. They need to be OOEY and GOOEY. That's just Cinnamon Roll 101. All of these ideas keep Pillsbury canned cinnamon rolls soft, company-worthy, and delicious. These are also great for taking homemade cinnamon rolls up a notch, but what a pain that is. With these better-than-homemade canned cinnamon roll hacks, you'll never bother to bake them from scratch again. Test out some of these ideas tomorrow. Won't it be nice to dig into a mouthwatering cinnamon roll for breakfast? You can't get a better start to your day than that. Canned Cinnamon Roll Hacks Actually, make that 11 easy ways to improve store-bought cinnamon rolls: you can top them with homemade coffee whipped cream . Yum! Nope, make that 12 canned cinnam

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Like many new Instant Pot owners, I've wondered, How many Instant Pots have exploded? (Eeek!) I'm happy to report that my research on Snopes and other sites has shown that these do not explode, at least not when used properly. There is a lawsuit between a woman in Texas and the Instant Pot manufacturer, but she admits she had thrown a towel over the steam vent. Do NOT do this. Still concerned? Consider that on Prime Day of 2018, Amazon sold more than 300,000 Instant Pots. That's more than a quarter of a million sales in only 1 day! If these things were not safe, you would see news stories every day about someone being injured. Still, things can go wrong. We love our Instant Pot, the digital pressure cooker that seems to suddenly be in every home. You can't mess up - just throw in random ingredients and you'll get something yummy every time. It's foolproof. At least, that's how I used to feel about our Instant Pot, until the explosion... Inst

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Anonymous Flower Delivery Sexy Nerd and I came home from a day of running errands on Saturday to discover an odd message on my phone. It was a girl from a flower shop calling to confirm my address for a delivery. I called and said there must be a mistake, as I wasn't expecting any flowers, to which she pointed out that people don't usually expect flowers. Oh, of course. As nice as it would be to have someone send me flowers, it seemed unlikely. Sure enough, she was unable to find any orders for me when I gave my name. She did have a Danielle though, and asked if there might be a different last name. I told her my maiden name. There really were flowers waiting for me! She confirmed the delivery address - the rental house Sexy Nerd and I lived in 3 years ago. I updated my address and ended the call, anxiously waiting to see who would send me flowers. Who sent me flowers from FTD? My mysterious stalker has beautiful taste! Strange? I had no idea how str

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